this sucks. i have decided
Posted on Mar 22, 2004
so last night after morgan left I felt pretty good. like. “ok this will be fine. I understand. it is all good. I look forward to being her friend.” today. I wake up. it is not easier. it is not fun. I really don’t want this to be happening. honestly. I am really sad. I don’t really want to goto work. I don’t really want to hang out. I look to checking my email in case she sent me one. I am afraid that she will block me on aim. I am afraid. I hate this. it isn’t easier. even though I understand why - it still doesn’t make sense.
i guess I shoudl engage in normalacy to fight these feelings. but I don’t really want to fight them. I don’t want to not be sad. I really like her. as a friend. as a girlfriend. I really don’t want to act like that isn’t true. it really is hard for me to act like she doesn’t mean anything to me for the next week or two. it is incredibly hard. but I know that I can’t be in her life right now. wtf. that is sad. I guess I haven’t a choice really. heh. awesome. but how does this work. how does it reconcile itself. how does it come together. I miss her.
i also love that one of my only outlets is a blog. haha. stupid public facing internet.