Posted on May 04, 2004
i hate feelings. I hate how small things can cause such weird reverberations within my self. it is hard. I can’t sleep. it hasn’t anything to do with anything. I just lay down. and I look at the ceiling. and I get kinda sad. not really depressed or pointedly sad. just a sinking feeling. like. I don’t know what is going on in my head. but I do know. it isn’t really all that weird. just annoying. I was spooked. I often am.
so I yoyoed a bunch. that helped. I practiced some new tricks. I got some good ones. you should check them out. I really like my night moves 3. it is dope. very smooooth. heh. however it is like 3:45 and I am not in bed. I have to work at 9 of course. andi have been home since 1. sitting in my room. wallowing of sorts. not really doing anything. wishing there was something to do. I miss conversations. I got a taste yesterday of what I miss. and it is a lot better now. which is relaly good. however. it also reminded me (when I am alone listening to depressing music and not really being rational) of the feelings once felt. and how they are not really different. just un-accompolishable. hah. I would like to say whatever without negating my post. so here. whatever. hah.
i am almost fully prepared to goto india. that is pretty exciting. I need to listen to different music very bad. this music is killing me. hah. I don’t know what to listen to though. I am not really in the mood for anything. I guess I am attempting to sleep so I don’t really need to listen to something good. maybe something more calm. hah. like arvo part or whatever. hmm. I will soon see.
this too will pass. I know.