So last night I went to the metro and hung out with my friends. it was the first time in awhile. I love going out. but recently I have been dieing. I haven’t been able to stay out as late. maybe I am getting old. god I hope not. but whatever. I have a fucked up growth on my back. I talked to my doctor - who was like.. “it is nothing.. don’t worry about it. ” whatever. I think I am going to have matiss cut it out with a knife. that would be fun. I was wondering if I could get a fierce topical anesthetic to numb the pain. but I keep having day dreams that the bumb is really a maggot or some larva stuck in my skin from my days in the bush. bot fly. eeep.

tonight I am supposed to goto elephant. I am pretty excited. I have such a weird feeling about high school violence. I think violence in general. however I really feel like I was connected to the kids that did the crazy shit at columbine, I mean - they wore black - were excluded by their classmates and were “crazy” - all of which I was too. so I guess I empathize with the idea of making an attempt to get even. I just wish they would have done it in a more constructive way. like salting the football field or whatnot. stupid guns.

in other movements in my life. I have been somewhat interested in discussing or investigating the philosophy of misantropy within our culture. I am starting to feel that my music may be fascist. I hate fascism. stupid fascism. I hate nazis more. goddamn nazis.