I hate airports as of yesterday.

It all started about 1.5 months ago. I got word that i was coming to NYC for some work stuff so i went on orbitz and purchased some tickets. about two weeks after that i double checked and noticed much to my surprise that i had purchased tickets for some random weekend in July. wtf. i have never done that before. i pride myself in being rather “good” at the internet and i am usually accurate in my typings - so i must have just flustered and fuxored it all up. so i had to change the flights - which cost me a couple hundred dollars. so so so angry. so in my flummoxed state i inadvertently make a flight into La guardia that arrives at 6am and then a flight leaving that has a connection.

This wasn’t a problem until i realized that my ride to “work” wasn’t going to be there until 4pm. So on that sunday i did a whole lot of uncomfortable sleeping and yoyoing for airport workers. fun fun.

the week went by. fun. excitement. partying. etc. you know the drill. then i went to the airport on thursday.

I arrived with about 1 hour to go until my flight - went to the untied premiere desk and checked in. however, united had no record of my flight. i had them look it up and they notified me that the flight was in fact a shared flight with US Airways. This was fine - however US Airways is nowhere near the united terminal. So i wonder around laguardia until a TSA tells me that i need to take a bus to get to the other terminal. meanwhile time is ticking on my flight. i am getting frantic. i run around like a monkey and finally make it to the US Airways terminal.

So i am sitting there at my gate listening to the announcements. they are changing the gate for my flight every ten minutes and i am kinda confused. They then announce that a black IBM laptop has been found at security. So i glance in my bag and think “oh shit” and run off to security. The not very helpful security guard tells me that i have to go to the ticketing area for lost and found. so i exit the security/gate area and go to ticketing. they tell me that i actually need to go to gate 22 back in the area i just exited. so i get ready to go through security again - and i open my bag and my laptop is there. WTF.

apparently in my confusion, “flusteration” and annoyance at the general situation i mistakenly missed my laptop in my bag. how i did that is not known. but i did. So i hid my embarrassment and went back to my gate.

at this time i have no idea if i have missed my flight, where my gate is or anything. so i run down the terminal. I am running and i feel my legs start to become tangle and i fall all the way down and crash hard. i mean HARD. i get up laughing at the ridiculousness of it all and make it to my terminal.

I hear an announcement that my flight changed gates and i start walking. that is when i notice that i have just ripped my new diesel jeans, and scratched my knees all up and am bleeding out of my knee and elbow. and… my new gate is right where i fell.

So i got on the plane, slept, woke up, got on another plane and finally made it to Chicago.

yea. all because i am incompetent at booking tickets.

NO MORE.